Choices

In life we are given choices.  PB &J or bologna, heels or sneakers, lettuce or romaine, diet or don’t, learn daily or buck the system, rent or buy, play in the rain or stay dry, move cross country or stay put, get up and get started or stay in bed.  

Oh, there may be the most important choice. Get up and get started or stay in bed.  By putting our feet on the floor and standing up we have picked the right choice.  We have decided to face the day.  We may not have enjoyed the day and we may come home exhausted mentally and physically but we have made it though. 

The depression did not win.  We did.

Sunday.

Sunday.  I love Sundays.  I sat and caught up on the Chicago TV shows today. Fire, PD, Med.  Med is not my favorite but each time I watch it I’m hooked.  Occasionally, they touch on mental health.  Lately, it is more often. 

One of the Dr’s is having a mental break.  I’m fasinated.  I’m​ grateful.  Why?  Because, they are focusing on a subject most would like to leave in the dark.

I had drinks with friends the other night.  We were discussing everything that came to mind.  I became the subject of the minute for about 10 minutes.  We discussed my work habits, my crazy personality and my family.  All of which can make me laugh or cause me to spit fire. 

I am a hard worker.  I will come in early, work through lunch and do anything asked of me.  Somedays….I can’t do those things, hell I can’t get out of bed much less be an over achiever.  The swing between the two drives my boss crazy.  (I know for a fact, we have discussed it at length.)

I have a crazy loud personality. I laugh loud, I talk loud, i sneeze loud, I train others loud and I argue loud.  Somedays…you wouldn’t know I was in the room.  I hide in my work, put in my headphones and can not carry on a conversation.  The swing between the two gives other and myself whiplash.

I have a family, I love beyond words.  My oldest fights depression and anxiety.  I worry every day.  My husband fights depression, discovered in the last year. We have been married 15 years.  It is an adjustment. I worry about him daily.  Sometimes…I can hide my concern for them, somedays it controls me.  The swing between the calm and the worry is gut wrenching.  

I can be fine at 10 am. I get one bad text from my kid at 10:05 and I’m a nervous wreck about her for the rest of the day.

It is exhausting to be inside my head and  I know I am not alone. 

So on a Sunday, when I sit to watch a TV show millions watch every week.  I’m thankful they put some focus on a real world problem.

Proof that I (we) truly are not alone.

Ugh

Pretty quiet weekend with not nearly enough accomplished.  However, I’m ok with that.  I may do it too often….but sometimes you just need to wind down.

Let the week fall behind you and prepare for the next. Clear your head and unwind.

I think this is important for everyone to do this but those with mental health issues or health issues in general.  Need it most (in my opinion). 

Just as it is difficult for an introvert to be in a room full extroverts.  They become tired from over stimulatulation. Those with health issues tire faster.  It’s not an excuse, it is a fact.  People with mental health issues tend to spend their day trying to just keep it together.  Yes, there are days that we are ‘normal’ but some days, UGH.

Same as people with weight problems, the weight issue can be consuming.  Stepping on the scale each morning, watching carefully what is consumed, weighing your food, checking portion sizes, logging calories and then doing it all again the next day.  UGH

Then again life in general can be consuming…hense the necessary down time!

So next time you are thinking, is it ok to curl up in a blanket, take a nap, read a book, catch up on your show and relax?

It probably won’t hurt.

Outsider

For those who have depression we are (hopefully) aware of the signs but if you have never had it; you may not know the signs.

I read an article from Healthline talking about the signs of depression.  These are the most likely signs to look for.

  • Change in feeling.

Things someone use to love may not sound like fun anymore.  The job they love, may starts to wear them out. A job they don’t love, may feel impossible to go to everyday.

  • Lost interest.

Sometimes people can’t focus on what is right in front of them.  Any outside noises may distract them.  (I find I don’t remember a lot of things, my memory is shot)

  • Fatigue/Sleepiness

Just let me sleep!  

  • Anxiety and irritation.

An often times calm head will likely become easily annoyed and it won’t take much.  Simply things will irritate them. Stores they used to be fine in, will freak them out.  The anxiety will come from nowhere sometimes and may feel like a freight train ran them over when it has past.  They may become very tired.

  • Appetite/Weight.

You may see a change in their appetite and their weight may fluctuate.

  • Uncontrollable Emotions.

Mad as hell, uncontrollable crying and back to mad as hell in a matter of hours or minutes.  (It is a rollercoaster, people!)

  • Looking @ Death

They may start to talk about death or how the world may be a better place if they were gone.  Don’t ignore those statements, find them help.

  • Getting help.

Some may not realize they need help in the form of medication, counseling, therapy groups, etc.  Once they do see they can get help and their not alone, then they have made a step towards healthy living again.

Depression in a nut shell.  It’s not fool proof and it is not like a broken bone.  When we break a bone the doctors know what to do to fix it.  With depression it is trial and error, sometimes over and over to finally find the right match.

Be patient, it’s not easy and their may not be a quick fix.
Healthline’s article is listed below.

http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/recognizing-symptoms

Support

I think at all ages it is important to know we have support in our lives.

As a child and teenagers we need to know our parents will take care of us. That we will have a place to live, clothes to wear and food to eat.  We need emotional support as well. Somewhere or someone to turn in times of need.  

As adults, it’s important to know our friends, significant others, family and maybe even co-workers have our backs.  It doesn’t always work that way but we hope (once again) there is somewhere to turn to in times of need.  

Yes, I suppose it seems obvious but for some it is clearly not, obvious.  They feel alone.  As if, there is an entire universe out there and I/you are the only one.  The loneliness is over whelming, frightening, almost deafening; it is so silent where I/you sit.

In my opinion, this is why we had over 44,000 Americans die by suicide in 2015.

https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/

We need to help each other.  If you don’t have it, try to learn the signs of what to watch for in others. You might save a life. If you might have it, learn what to acknowledge in yourself and reach out. Don’t be embarrassed, you are not alone.  Talk to someone.  If you have it, keep doing you.  Keep your chin up and I will too.

Too much?

I’m mostly an open book about my life. I want people to understand what mental health is. I’m open about my health and half of the time, when I’m visiting with some one, I say what I’m thinking. I don’t often say exactly what I’m thinking unless, I’m talking to my husband.  Because I worry I will to be judged more than I might be already.  

I act different, (I think). I talk loud, I laugh loud. I’m a little disorganized but I have a 1000 lists for a 1000 different things and I rewrite them a lot. I’m way to kind hearted so I wear my emotions on my sleeve, I can cry in seconds, especially when I’m mad and I get mad quick. My mind constantly wonders. I am either busy as hell or idle for hours, I’m a complicated personality, I get sad for no reason and I can’t always see the forest thru the trees and that is the un-sick side of me.

I’m open about my mental health and how it affects me.  I hid it in the past. Hiding it made me very sick. I’m honest so I don’t get sick. 

But how much is to much? When I ask that I mean am I too much?

The flip side of that thought. 

I get, teased.  It’s done in fun and to lighten the mood sometimes but I get tired of hearing

 “She’s a little crazy.”  

That one is a little off.”  

I take it in stride because I learned years ago that it is better to laugh at yourself than be too serious.

But when is it all too much?  

When is me talking about it too much?  

When are the jokes too much?
Where is my line in the sand and is it there everyday? Sometimes, I really don’t mind being the office “entertainment”.  Sometimes it pisses me off.

-C

Karma

I have this friend…I call her Karma.  She sneaks up when you least expect it and rewards you in full for all you have done. 

Good

Bad

Forgot 

&

Forgiven.

-C

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